Responding to Learned Helplessness

      Last week I used Henry Cloud’s book Boundaries for Leaders to describe Learned Helplessness. Let me begin this week by giving an example of how Jesus confronted it. John alone records for us the encounter Jesus had with a paralytic at the Pool of Bethesda.

      After this there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, which is called in Hebrew, Bethesda, having five porches. In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed, waiting for the moving of the water. For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had.
     Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?” The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me.
     Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your bed and walk.” And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked. And that day was the Sabbath. The Jews therefore said to him who was cured, “It is the Sabbath; it is not lawful for you to carry your bed.”
     He answered them, “He who made me well said to me, ‘Take up your bed and walk.’” Then they asked him, “Who is the Man who said to you, ‘Take up your bed and walk’?” But the one who was healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had withdrawn, a multitude being in that place. Afterward Jesus found him in the temple, and said to him, “See, you have been made well. Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you.” The man departed and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had made him well (John 5:1-15).

      I began to look at this passage very differently several years ago when I heard a pastor who was serving in a deeply impoverished inner-city area. He had grown up in a stable blue-collar family but now encountered learned helplessness on a daily basis. From his experience, he pointed out that Jesus asked the man, “Do you want to be made well?” I had previously missed that “little detail.” The man had been in his condition for thirty-eight years. Depending on the age when his injury/illness began, it is possible that he had outlived many of his contemporaries—that might have been the reason he caught Jesus’ eye. Jesus saw what the man had been blinded to by learned helplessness—the possibility of getting better.
     From this very short description of the encounter, we can glean a lot about what learned helplessness does to one’s perspective. We become…

• Dependent on others--Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up (7). We can’t or don’t believe we can take care of ourselves.
• A complainer--but while I am coming, another steps down before me (7).
• A blamer—When he was told, “It is the Sabbath; it is not lawful for you to carry your bed” he responded, He who made me well said to me, “Take up your bed and walk” (10-11). He was saying, it’s not my fault it was this guy who told me to do it.
• Entitled—He didn’t bother to ask the man who had stopped, engaged him in conversation, and then healed him, who are you? It was as if, he deserved or earned his healing.
• Ungrateful—He never even said thank you to Jesus in either of his encounters with Him.
• Disloyal—After his second conversation with Jesus, he immediately “departed and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had made him well” (15). He bit the hand that fed him

     
​       As I indicated last week, there are seasons in the life of every human being where we can slide into learned helplessness. We can find ourselves in a very difficult place emotionally, physically, or spiritually where everything seems to be beyond our control, and we don’t see an end to it. We begin to think and act like the paralytic at the pool of Bethesda. Fortunately, for many of us, these seasons turn out to be “relatively short” walks through the valley of the shadow of death. We begin to lean into the skills and experiences we have used in the past; we leave the things we can’t control to God; we walk in simple child-like obedience doing the next right thing. We are fortunate to be one who has been blessed by God’s mercy as He extends it to thousands of generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments (Genesis 20:5b).
     However, an increasing number of people in our nation are born into generational learned helplessness. They have no positive experiences upon which to lean; they don’t have healthy role models upon which to build their life; they are living with the consequences of their parent’s and sometimes grandparent’s decisions. Unfortunately, the iniquities of previous generations are visited upon the children to the third and fourth generations (Exodus 20:6). I have observed the slow and often regressive work of God in the life of those who have experienced the impact of generational sins and are seeking to find a better way through Jesus Christ. Patient, persistent love is required, and that isn’t easy in our instant gratification culture.
     Before I describe the five-step process Cloud suggests for overcoming learned helplessness, let me challenge you at a few points:

• The sooner the better—If you currently fit the description of learned helplessness, don’t put off taking the next right steps. Admitting you have a problem is the first step, but it is not the only step.
• Be patient, Rome wasn’t built in a day—As you begin to address issues in your life, know that it will take time, and there will be setbacks along the road. Don’t get discouraged and don’t stop working on the issues.
• Some changes are easier than others—Just because a friend of yours was able to have “instant victory” over an issue, doesn’t mean you will. We each have our own challenges.
• Even when the changes are easy, adjusting to the new you will take time—The paralytic was healed in a moment, but it was obvious that emotional and relational changes were yet to come. Bridges’ book Managing Transitions is an excellent read in this area and you can find a discussion summary of it at https://www.heartlandchurchnetwork.com/uploads/5/8/1/6/58163279/book_summary_managing_transitions_4th_edition__updated_.pd

Yours in Christ,
Mark R. Elliott, AMS